She waited a whole week for me to return home from work. We hardly ever keep secrets from each other, but I have to give her props for this one. I prodded her every day for her to tell me as it was unbearable to be kept in the dark. On the way home I had a feeling she was pregnant and I called my little brother. I had to tell him what I was thinking. It was surreal. To think I am going to be a daddy. I am going to be a father of a child and not by accident with some woman I didn’t know or care to know, but with my best friend – my wife! I know that may sound a bit odd to say but living a life where you’re always on edge if you’ve made someone pregnant is a life that leaves too much to be desired. The constant nagging feeling hanging in the pit of my stomach that I’d screwed my life up and that of someone else was gone. The $50 less in my paycheck for a morning after pill. The utter despair of “what will I do? I need to run away from this…as far as my feet can take me….” – that no longer existed the moment I opened up my wife’s surprise!
The first thing I saw when I opened up the box was the “Hello Daddy” shirt. My heart stopped. Isn’t that something? I had already called my brother with a cock-sure “Hey I think Meagan’s pregnant” and there I opened up a little box and my heart was in my mouth. All the pain of yesterday disappeared in a flash of blue paper torn away to reveal a little flutter of life ebbing it’s light towards my heart. And, as a cute devoted wife she was, trying to capture it, Meagan was right there videoing the whole time. I’m not sure of the response that I gave to her was quite the surprised look she was hoping for, but I saw it in my face. Something I’d never really seen before looking at myself in any mirror. Joy. My burden rolled down the hill again. Galatians 2:20 – I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. My old life was gone.
We’re having a baby, in case you haven’t gotten the gist yet! A BABY. We are in the processing of growing a little human. It still makes my head spin and my heart leap.
And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Able to now live this verse more, now than ever before, is a blessing we will never forget and always remember. A blessing that holds great weight and responsibilities , yet also holds the greatest honor there is for us and our life as Christian stewards – to honor and glorify God the Father with all we have been given from Him. We know there are trials ahead, but the joy that He has placed upon our hearts in order to face each challenge trumps the fear that could easily diminish vulnerable hearts.
The world tells us that the purpose of creation and work is validation of our efforts and a fulfillment we cannot garnish elsewhere, and to be worthy through accolades and accomplishments that grow our reputations and names. This blessing of this child is nothing for us to brag upon, yet rather it is another moment He has placed in our lives to again reveal the beauty of Christ’s perfect obedience to glorify God the Father at the moment that changed history. The new life God breathed into this child is His breath and His alone. My wife and I are but stewards of its life and caretaker of its heart.
In this past service on Sunday, the pastor made a beautiful point. We as Christians should not attempt to portray to others signs of moral brilliance but rather our utter dependence on Jesus Christ. When C.S.Lewis talked about where his brainstorming ideas came from to write the Chronicles of Narnia he said this: “At first I had very little idea how the story would go. But then suddenly Aslan came bounding into it…once He was there He pulled the whole story together.’ He came bounding into every aspect of our lives, and, like Lewis, He pulled our story together and continues to do so. Meagan and I had a vague idea about how marriage and babies would all come together yet our dependence in Christ has allowed our hearts the most blissful freedom we’ve ever experienced. A freedom, not governed by abundance to selfishly squander or to champion for our own personal aggrandizement, but rather a freedom that comes with joy that fills our hearts when we have much and when we don’t know if we’ll ever have again. That’s a freedom we didn’t have to fight for because it came bounding into our lives. There’s no moral brilliance to that story whatsoever I promise you. Ephesians 2:8-10 – For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.